Why I’m Still Married

Why I’m Still Married

So glad someone beat me over the head about giving my husband the benefit of the doubt early on in our marriage. He’s one of those deep thinkers who conceives ideas in his flowery, sensitive right brain, but who expresses those ideas through his matter-of-fact, pragmatic left brain.

And on top of that, there’s usually an uncomfortably long pause after he begins to express himself (presumably when he realizes the potential harm in what he has already said), followed by a brief fixer-upper statement. It usually goes something like this: After I married my wife I realized she was nothing like the woman I thought I had married . . . (super long pause) . . . I realized she was so much more. 

Feeling my pain? For at least 7 of our nearly 13 years of marriage, I bit my tongue, curled my toes, and plotted his death through those “super long pauses.” I often felt insulted or hurt. Giving my husband the benefit of the doubt was something I had to do intentionally–like putting a parental block on channel 58 to avoid watching CSPAN by accident when I was too lazy to get up and get the remote.

Now, 13 years later, I don’t even tune into the highly-ignitable stuff that precedes those long pauses. I just perk up my ears to make sure I don’t miss the heart of my husband in what he says after the pauses.

And I’m usually glad I did.

Sherry Boykin

Sherry Boykin, the founder of Faith and Tales, is a storyteller and chronic believer in the power of faith narratives to change lives. She loves to use biblical and personal accounts to help women move beyond their obstacles, glean fresh perspectives on life, and to live differently as a result. Her experiences in urban and suburban ministries, Peruvian Amazon jungle missions, long-term singleness, marriage and family, and men's dorm-living shape her life and provide a colorful backdrop from which to share the Word of God. Sherry is the author of But-Kickers: Growing Your Faith Bigger Than Your But and she has been interviewed for articles in Time, The New York Times, and Better Homes and Gardens.

This Post Has 7 Comments

  1. I like it! We need to give grace (especially to our spouses). After all, look at the grace God has bestowed upon us!

    1. Sherry Boykin

      So true, Kay–shame on us when we don’t, or when we WON’T!

  2. “I just perk up my ears to make sure I don’t miss the heart of my husband….” Thanks, Sherry, for this gentle reminder of what is truly important…

    1. Sherry Boykin

      Thanks, Sarah. Too bad I didn’t realize all this on day one.

  3. Carol Weeks

    You are so right, Sherry. Save the energy for a little extra lovin’ instead of wasting it on hurt feelings and getting offended. That bit of advice has served me well over the past 43 years of marriage…

    1. Sherry Boykin

      Woo-hoo! Carol, I may have to quote you on this one . . . Who can argue with a little extra lovin’?

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