Lately I’ve noticed a whole heap of hilarity in the Body of Christ, especially among us church ladies. And the hilarity comes from hearts full of faith, hope, and charity . . . Gotta love us!
So what ten things do church ladies do better than anyone else?
1. Say thank you Verbal thank-you’s, text messages, and Facebook posts are for the unseasoned. Real church ladies know you’ve not been properly thanked until they’ve sent you something in the mail with 5 layers of vellum, 3 buttons, and a bow.
2. Make something from scratch that the whole rest of the world buys for a dollar at Walmart—like soap and wet wipes.
3. Make useful items unusable by constructing something out of them—like a wedding cake made out of disposable diapers. The only way to use the diapers is to deconstruct the cake, so the whole purpose of making them into a cake was . . . Hmmmm . . . And the mixed metaphor of diapers and cake doesn’t sit well with me, either. So, unless the bride is pregnant, or unless you’re implying that the pregnant lady should get married . . .
4. Use the word “friendship” in almost suspicious-sounding ways–as in “Friendship Folders” or “Friendship Tea.”
5. Get hooked on fermented things NOT generally found at parties—like sauerkraut or kombucha.
6. Start committees to do what requires one good person at most—like a food committee to decide on a menu for the next church banquet.
7. Get the same 50 ladies to show up for an event 12 times a year when they already know they’ll be making dresses or measuring bellies with toilet paper.
8. Name the most rambunctious kids after Old Testament prophets or disciples of Jesus Christ.
9. Hang decorative elements from the ceiling at the most inappropriate events—like the Field and Stream Banquet, or the Taxidermy Tech Day Luncheon.
10. Find new ways to do things that were never that hard to do in the first place—like using ginger ale to make ice cubes to prevent watering down the punch, versus just serving the punch cold.