10 Things Church Ladies Do Better Than Everyone Else

10 Things Church Ladies Do Better Than Everyone Else

Lately I’ve noticed a whole heap of hilarity in the Body of Christ, especially among us church ladies. And the hilarity comes from hearts full of faith, hope, and charity . . . Gotta love us!

 

 

So what ten things do church ladies do better than anyone else?

 

 

1.      Say thank you  Verbal thank-you’s, text messages, and Facebook posts are for the unseasoned. Real church ladies know you’ve not been properly thanked until they’ve sent you something in the mail with 5 layers of vellum, 3 buttons, and a bow.

 

 

2.      Make something from scratch that the whole rest of the world buys for a dollar at Walmart—like soap and wet wipes.

 

 

3.     Make useful items unusable by constructing something out of them—like a wedding cake made out of disposable diapers. The only way to use the diapers is to deconstruct the  cake, so the whole purpose of making them into a cake was . . . Hmmmm . . . And the mixed metaphor of diapers and cake doesn’t sit well with me, either.  So, unless the bride is pregnant, or unless you’re implying that the pregnant lady should get married . . .  

 

 

4.     Use the word “friendship” in almost suspicious-sounding ways–as in “Friendship Folders” or “Friendship Tea.”

 

 

5.     Get hooked on fermented things NOT generally found at parties—like sauerkraut or kombucha.

 

 

6.     Start committees to do what requires one good person at most—like a food committee to decide on a menu for the next church banquet.

 

 

7.     Get the same 50 ladies to show up for an event 12 times a year when they already know they’ll be making dresses or measuring bellies with toilet paper.  

 

 

8.     Name the most rambunctious kids after Old Testament prophets or disciples of Jesus Christ.

 

 

9.    Hang decorative elements from the ceiling at the most inappropriate events—like the Field and Stream Banquet, or the Taxidermy Tech Day Luncheon.

 

 

10.  Find new ways to do things that were never that hard to do in the first place—like using ginger ale to make ice cubes to prevent watering down the punch, versus just serving the punch cold.

 

Sherry Boykin

Sherry Boykin, the founder of Faith and Tales, is a storyteller and chronic believer in the power of faith narratives to change lives. She uses biblical and personal accounts to help women move beyond their obstacles, glean fresh perspectives on life, and to live differently as a result. Her experiences in urban and suburban ministries, Peruvian Amazon jungle missions, long-term singleness, marriage and family, and men's dorm-living shape her life and provide a colorful backdrop from which to share the Word of God. Sherry is the author of But-Kickers: Growing Your Faith Bigger Than Your But and she has been interviewed for articles in Time, The New York Times, and Better Homes and Gardens.

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