Why Marriage is not for Virgins

Why Marriage is not for Virgins

Just recently on a clip from The Taste, a reality show based on a cooking competition, I heard Chef/Author Anthony Bourdain say that a dish served to him tasted like it had been prepared by someone who had never had sex.

 

 

I applauded him for what he said.

 

To sample food prepared by someone who has never gone beyond salt and pepper–who has never explored how the co-mingling of sweet and savory or how the overlapping of textures can light up a diner’s palate would be a culinary bore at best.

 

Culinary Virgins

And the reason for such lackluster, unmemorable presentations at the dinner table is that the so-called chef has never in any other area of her life, experienced the incredulity of being taken to a higher level, of seeing good transformed into better or best,  or of hearing music when there are no instruments in the room.

 

Unaware of the existence of another reality, she settles for the guarded, mundane safety of the virginal approach, believing it is sufficient–especially if she labels it with a fancy, French name. And meanwhile, she cheats her diners out of the curried, smoked, succulent wonder they might have enjoyed, in lieu of food rivaled only by the next meal served to them by a culinary virgin.

 

So, for the culinary virgin, sex may be the answer.

 

For the would-be spouse, however, it most certainly is not.

 

That’s because marriage is not about sex; it’s about relationship. And if you enter marriage as a relationship virgin, you are in big trouble. If you wait until your wedding night to experience being fully exposed and fully accepted, you’ll need I.V. Dramamine to settle you in after the rocky boat ride you’ll probably have.

 

Long before you say, “I do,” know what it is to wrestle all night with God, to be burned, yet not consumed, to be disappointed and alright at the same time, to experience forgiveness you know you don’t deserve, to see something truly come from absolutely nothing, to witness mountains moved and tossed into the sea, to see God far exceed anything you know how to hope for, to live in the reckless abandon of true faith, or to party with God and dance the dance of the reconciled.

 

Relationship Virgins

The relationship virgin knows nothing of this, and is no more ready to be married than the culinary virgin is ready to be a contestant on The Taste. She will be a marital bore, and never go beyond the depth of a Lifetime movie.

 

Let’s leave that relationship virginity at the door where marriage is concerned, and let what you’ve experienced with God transform your vision of all things spicy and hot!

 

Sherry Boykin

Sherry Boykin, the founder of Faith and Tales, is a storyteller and chronic believer in the power of faith narratives to change lives. She loves to use biblical and personal accounts to help women move beyond their obstacles, glean fresh perspectives on life, and to live differently as a result. Her experiences in urban and suburban ministries, Peruvian Amazon jungle missions, long-term singleness, marriage and family, and men's dorm-living shape her life and provide a colorful backdrop from which to share the Word of God. Sherry is the author of But-Kickers: Growing Your Faith Bigger Than Your But and she has been interviewed for articles in Time, The New York Times, and Better Homes and Gardens.

This Post Has 12 Comments

  1. Jo Ann Walczak

    “To witness mountains moved and tossed into the sea, to see God far exceed anything you know how to hope for, to live in the reckless abandon of true faith, or to party with God and dance the dance of the reconciled.” Party with God and dance the dance of the reconciled! I’m dancing! Edgy, insightful . . . brilliant!

    1. Sherry Boykin

      It’s my favorite way to imagine my face-to-face with The Almighty!

  2. Vonda Skelton

    Wow, Sherry, you MADE me read this article because of the title! Talk about a hook! (Love your Advanced CCC logo!)

    1. Sherry Boykin

      Thanks, Vonda! I’ve seen you do it over and over again–nothing like learning from the best!

  3. I always enjoy how you take truth and share it with an artsy, new-to-me twist, causing me to look at life in a different – and BIGGER – way!

  4. Josh

    This is better put than the way I tried to explain it to my girlfriend. Thank you!

  5. LOL I was drawn to read this post like a dog to a meaty bone. Couldn’t imagine what you were up to, but it was rewarding in a fresh way!

    1. Sherry Boykin

      Wow-like a dog to a meaty bone? Thanks, Barbara; I’ll take that any day!

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